new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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