My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
