somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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