Duck Duck Cougar?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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