I forgot how hot balto sounded
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
