On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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