marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
