see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
