Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
