oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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