At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
