If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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