are you still at the devil's house?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
