I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
