you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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