Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
