I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
