last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
sex in a hospital.. check
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
