i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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