third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
