then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
