Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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