I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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