i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
