why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
