honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
