he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i dont even know how to be here
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i came on her dog
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
