I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
