This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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