I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
