I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Randomize
