I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
