the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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