if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
