Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
