Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
