how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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