It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
