I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize