I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
