Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
