i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
