She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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