I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
