One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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