Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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