and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
