I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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