talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
4 words: hood of his car
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
