I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
