We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
