I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
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You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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