This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I love you. Go after that dick
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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