just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
