Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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