Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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