margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
how drunk are you?
Several
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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