never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
