I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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