Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
