I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She bit a glass in half.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
