Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
