on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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