How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
