My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
