I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
