I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
