dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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