I'm going to jail i love you
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
