how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
