Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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