Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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