There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
