In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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