tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
