like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
