He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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